Keeping Those Balls In The Air

It's no wonder that we're caught in such a vicious cycle. Women have more opportunities for achievement than at any other time in history -- but, as a species, we seem to be less and less content with our lot in life. How can you get happy when you feel as though you are always behind, never good enough, incapable of living up to an impossible standard of perfection? You're screwed before you even start!

I'll let you in on a little secret -- you have to know your place in this world if you ever hope to find a sense of balance. I don't mean "a woman's place is in the kitchen" -- I'm talking about deciding what's most important to you in life and learning to let go of the rest. This is especially true for women who have kids and are constantly being pulled and pushed in so many different directions by outside forces. When you're clear about your priorities and convictions, it's easier to stop worrying about living up to someone else's definition of success.

What does "being clear" look like? For someone whose career is the top priority, it might mean putting off having children until you've accomplished what you want in your field -- rather than rushing into family because you feel you "have" to, and ending up doing a half-assed job at both parenting and your work. Or, like my husband and I, you may choose to skip reproduction altogether (we prefer to travel instead of changing diapers!) However, if kids are your main goal, you might have to be willing to accept a slower career track, a voluntary demotion (trading a little pay for more time off and flexibility), or a side-step into self-employment (allowing you to work from home) while your children are small -- so you can devote as much time and energy as possible to your family during those formative years. And if you desperately want to combine the rugrats with the corner office, you will almost certainly need to eliminate some other outside activities to accommodate these two roles.

But "choosing" in this way does not mean giving up or missing out. Simply knowing that your decision is a conscious one that resonates with your deepest values and goals allows you a measure of freedom that "trying to do it all" does not. The woman who is comfortable with her child-free decision doesn't think of her life as lacking just because she has no kids -- the mom who intentionally steps off the fast track to devote herself fully to mothering is less likely to begrudge those who are being promoted ahead of her -- and the working parent who knows how to draw healthy boundaries will be able to avoid the stress that comes with overextending yourself. Giving up on the superwoman fantasy is the surest way to reduce stress and find real satisfaction in all areas of your life.

Ramona Lays Down The Law

A Blessing From Father George