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My Organizing Superpowers

Ramona Creel -- SuperheroMy clients are often surprised — nay, amazed — at how much I can accomplish during an organizing session. (They have no clue until they work with me what it means to move at “Ramona-speed!”)

It turns out that (in addition to deal-finding and good parking karma), I actually possess a sizable number of clutter-eliminating-calendar-enlarging-storage-space-expanding-paper-pile-suppressing-chaos-controlling super powers. I’m faster than a P-Touch labeler, more powerful than a Rubbermaid storage tub, able to leap stacks of unopened mail in a single bound! So I decided to catalog my skills a-la the DC/Marvel universe — with my sexy black sequined luchador mask and comic book high-heel boots, you can call me “The Orginatrix:”

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconcloaking (I can camouflage anything that my clients don’t want lurking about in their field of vision, so it’s nearly impossible to see — I’m talking boxes and tubs and piles of stuff virtually disappearing in plain sight — but the really awesome part is that when they need a particular item again, it magically reappears, exactly where they were expecting to find it!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconspatial and temporal manipulation (I often squeeze papers into files, and activities into the calendar, and things into drawers/closets/cabinets/containers where the laws of physics say they shouldn’t fit — it is 100% possible to create more space and time, if you know a few secret methods for stretching the fabric of the universe — which fortunately, I do!)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconintuitive aptitude (this makes me an empath — skilled at reading my clients’ emotions and feeling their pain as if it were my own, then using that information to identify both the source of their misery and a solution that will alleviate their frustrations — it also means I’m able to analyze complex systems and instantly understand how they work, with almost no effort )

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconenergy absorption (I capture and dispel any negative vibes affecting my clients, the kind that might otherwise keep them from being able to focus — instead of allowing fear or worry or a bad hair day to derail their organizing efforts, I use a power I call “reframing in the face of perpetual perkiness” to draw those limiting beliefs out, just like sucking poison from a wound)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconduplication (I make it seem as though there are 3 of me working, we get so dadgummed freaking much done in a session — while I haven’t quite mastered the art of cloning, I’m so focused and so fast that my clients swear they saw me setting up a filing system in one room, while decluttering a closet in another, while simultaneously building shelves in a third)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconresurrection (I bring objects back from the dead, breathing new life into their discarded carcasses — no, I’m not creating zombie butter tubs here — this power is all about reusing, recycling, and repurposing — turning an old rake head into a belt rack, a pair of stretched-out leggings into a holder for extra plastic bags, or toilet paper rolls into sock organizers)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconeidetic memory (I’m able to recall the systems clients have used, how they’ve labeled files, and where they’ve put things away, even a decade after our last appointment — it sort of freaks folks out, when I come back to work with them months or even years later, and know exactly where their tax records or photo albums or bread machine live — sorry about that)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconx-ray vision (I can see every pile that clients have stuck in an enclosed space, be it cabinet or box or drawer, without ever opening it — even the stacks they’ve squirreled away in the attic, the basement, a locked closet — they’re always shocked when I ask, “What about the stuff in here?” — but they’re grateful later on when I’ve made them confront all that hidden clutter)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconhypnokinesis (the sound of my voice alone sends clients into a calmed and focused trance state, perfect for organizing — it’s sort of like what happens during a guided meditation — except that instead of falling asleep like I always do when I start chanting “ohhhhhhhhm,” they remain fully awake and conscious and in serious-get-it-done-decision-making mode)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconforce fields (I can set up a wall of energy designed specifically to contain clutter — a protective bubble that shrinks the stacks, holds the chaos in, and keeps it from spreading — however, this boundary only lasts long enough to get that pile out of the house and into the trash, recycle, or donate bin — after that, all bets are off, and you’d better look out!)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconshapeshifting/transmogrification (I turn useless items into functional organizing tools, almost like magic — hand me an old shoebox, an empty bottle, a lidless Tupperware tub, a bent fork, and I’ll create something spectacular — even better, give me time to bling it up and you’ve got a masterpiece that pleases the eye as well as serving a practical purpose)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconportal creation (I’m able to open cosmic doors, through which unwanted discards disappear into another dimension — some of these gateways are called “paper recycling” and “e-waste,” others might bear the label “donation” or “auction sale” or “craigslist” — but whatever the form of egress, my clients’ clutter vanishes without their having to lift even a single finger)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconchronokinesis (I can slow the clock, allowing clients to get twice as much done as other “normal” people in the same space of time — rather than getting distracted bopping back and forth between different projects, my folks stick with a task until they actually complete it — how, you might ask? — by training these grasshoppers in the ways of focus — watch and learn)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconstealth (I get dozens of to-dos done right under my clients’ noses, without them even realizing I’ve moved from my seat — in the 30 seconds it takes to make a decision about a piece of paper, I’ve already set up a half dozen storage areas, emptied their junk drawer, created a system for incoming mail, set up electronic in-box filters, and alphabetized their spices!)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconecholocation (I can sense obstacles as I move through an unfamiliar space, even with my eyes closed — this helps me not only root out hidden clutter, but keeps me from tripping over stuff and banging my elbows and filing workman’s comp on every job I do — well, I probably still need workman’s comp, but just from general klutziness rather than lack of awareness!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconmind-reading (I get inside my peeps’ heads to the point that I can almost hear their thoughts and feel their feelings — it’s spooky how often a client will have trouble articulating a concern or fear or organizing roadblock — that’s when I reach up, pull it out of thin air, and put it into words — and no, I will not get out of your head! — it’s warm and cozy in there!)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconinvisibility (going through the piles with my clients and getting them to mirror my actions along the way encourages these disorganized folk to stay on task as we sort and discard — but it only works if the mimicry isn’t obvious and I’ve been removed from the equation — good thing that when I’m in full-on body-doubling mode, my peeps forget I’m even in the room!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Icontelepathy (my homies understand what I’m saying, what I’m thinking, what I want them to do without me ever having to open my mouth — the raise of an eyebrow, a subtle-yet-meaningful hand gesture, a slight clearing of the throat — this is all it takes to get my point across and move a stuck client into gear — so much more time-efficient than a regular conversation!)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconreality warping (I can physically change my clients’ surroundings, bending it with the sheer will of my mind — I think about a closet and the clothes arrange themselves by season and color — I glance at a shelf and the books are magically sorted categorically and alphabetically — I turn toward the desk and an entire color-coded filing system springs to life — it’s glorious!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconsuperhuman speed (the good news is that I get more done in a single organizing session than the law allows — the bad news is that I’m genetically incapable of moving slowly, and my clients occasionally suffer from whiplash, watching me tear back and forth from one pile to another — I whiz! — I whoosh! — I zoom! — energizer bunny ain’t got nothin’ on me!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Icondeath touch (I simply lay my hands on a piece of clutter, and it withers right before my client’s eyes — you can see the life being literally sucked from that extraneous, superfluous, unnecessary “thing” — as all color drains away, it turns to ash, and whatever’s left is blown into nothingness by a passing breeze — fortunately, the valuable stuff is immune — whew!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconsuperhuman endurance (I can go and go and go, organizing for hours and hours and hours on end without tiring — fortunately for those less-than-motivated clients, Mount-Vesuvius-level energy is contagious — when my folks start to falter, I turn  “crapping out” into “cleaning out,” infecting them with enough of my get-up-and-go to last through the end of the session)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconmatter reduction (I can reduce a useless pile of “stuff” or an overstuffed in-box or even a crammed-too-full schedule by at least half, just by looking at it — clutter cowers at the sight of me — calendars hide when they hear me coming — paper piles tremble as I enter the room — there’s nothing like striking fear in the heart of an inanimate object to make your job easy!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconenergy resistance (I’m immune to any negative vibes my clients emit during our organizing sessions — anger, frustration, irrationality, they ka-pwing right off me — it’s like the “I am rubber” thing that was so annoying in grade school, just without the “and you are glue” part — whatever bounces off my peeps disappears in the air, rather than sticking to them)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconmind control (I can regulate my clients’ thinking and behavior, keeping all negative self-talk and illogical decision-making at bay — the minute they start beating themselves up over that 15th black sweater with the tags still on it, or talking about how they’ll need a green shag toilet rug from the 70s “someday,” I pull out the serious telepathy and shut that shit right down!)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconentropy projection (one of my favorite science projects is turning potential energy into kinetic energy, getting organizationally sedentary folk moving where before they were stuck — I like to give my clients a little physics lesson on “inertia,” with me serving as the external force that acts upon resting matter — we’re all about a body-in-motion-staying-in-motion around here!)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Icontime travel (I take clients back to an earlier day to figure out where they left something that was misplaced, or remember a to-do they forgot, or even discern what life event caused a certain choice — hindsight is 20/20, so I help my peeps make the most of those ah-ha moments — using that insight to create better systems and make smarter decisions in the future)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconprobability manipulation (the mere fact of my presence increases the likelihood of my clients successfully accomplishing their goals — together, we manipulate reality in a way that supports what my folks want most in life — causing paths to clear, obstacles to disintegrate, opportunities to appear out of nowhere, and resources to materialize out of thin air)

Beyond Organized -- Superhero Iconelasticity (just like Plastic Man, I can stretch and bend and twist to reach spaces clients haven’t accessed in years — it’s absolutely amazing the stuff I find crammed behind a bookcase, hidden under a bed, wedged into some far-off-and-forgotten corner of the attic — my favorite thing to hear during an organizing session is, “Oh my god! I’ve been wondering where that went!”)

Beyond Organized -- Fist Iconprecognition (thanks to my handy-dandy organizational third eye, I can predict the future — especially the potential consequences of my clients’ not-so-productive daily habits — I can spot time management potholes and clutter pitfalls in the road 100 miles off — but I always carry a bucket of tar and some extra gravel with me for smoothing those suckers out)

I also have an awesome leather catsuit and whip that my clients love — oh wait, that’s my dominatrix outfit. Dammit!

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Ramona Creel is an award-winning 15-year veteran organizer and member of the National Association Of Professional Organizers. As well as having birthed “The A-To-Z Of Getting Organized,” Ramona is also the author of “The Professional Organizer’s Bible: A Slightly Irreverent And Completely Unorthodox Guide For Turning Clutter Into A Career”—and the creator of more than 200 “quick-start” business tools and templates for use by productivity professionals. She writes seven different blogs, has worked with hundreds of clients, and has delivered scores of presentations on getting organized. Ramona resides on the roads of America as a full-time RVer—living and working in a 29-foot Airstream. Learn more at and RamonaCreel.com.

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2 Responses

  1. Ramona~Well Done! This is so creative I love it! Thanks for my morning laugh and some great content as well!

  2. Super clever article! All totally true as well:)

    Michelle

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