Piles Of Crap All Over The Floor?
Take The ‘My House Needs Help!’ Quiz

So you're looking for a deeper insight into your challenges with personal time management, household paper, and residential clutter -- either that, or you're just one of those compulsive interwebz-addicts who can't NOT complete an online assessment. (Go ahead. Tell me your color. Your house. What type of potato chip you are. Your rapper name. You'll find zero judgment here -- I myself am a Lannister purple maui onion called "Lil' Fishtick" who will cut your heart out while you dream of quidditch.) Regardless of your motivation, welcome!

I hope to help those in the first group face their flame-writhing inner organizational demons. And y'all in the second? You get yet another categorical label (slightly more scientifically-credible than a study of Star-Warsian personality traits or Muppety sexual qualities) to flesh out your personal narrative. Woot!

As all those 12-steppers are so fond of saying, the road to recovery begins with admitting your problem -- how 'bout a little fearless-searching inventory? (But screw the "moral" part. Disorganization's not a moral failing. It's a completely surmountable logistical problem.) So if you're ready, let's get started mounting!

Icon -- Trash CanHow long does it usually take to locate your keys?


                          Nanoseconds. I know right where they are -- they go in the same exact place everyday.

                          I throw 'em down when I come in the door -- it takes me a little hunting to find them.

                          One day I spent a good two hours searching for my keys -- and was late to work.

Icon -- Dust Pan SweepHow do you feel when you have visitors over?


                          Like Martha-freaking-Stewart! I take every guest on a tour, just to show off.

                          Pretty good -- although I have one or two rooms that I will not let anyone else go into.

                          I visit other people at their homes rather than allow them to see my mess.

Icon -- Trash CanHow do you handle paying bills?


                          I organize alphabetically and chronologically -- then pay everything twice a month.

                          It depends on how much money I have in my checking account at any given moment.

                          I usually remember to take care of things once the power or cable gets turned off.

Icon -- Dust Pan SweepWhen do you file your tax return each year?


                          February first -- the day after those year-end statements are due in my hot little hands.

                          I usually get mine done by the time that June extension rolls around.

                          Well, let's see -- I believe I'm still working on 1040s from three years ago.

Icon -- Trash CanWhat does your hall closet look like?


                          The usual -- jackets, vacuum, scarves and gloves neatly contained on the top shelf.

                          I wish I could fit my coats in there -- maybe once I clean out the other junk.

                          I try to never open that door -- I might be buried in an avalanche!

Icon -- Dust Pan SweepWhen do you schedule "me" time into your day?


                          I get up one hour early each morning and make time to do something I enjoy.

                          I collapse in front of the boob-tube every night, totally exhausted -- that's my "alone" time.

                          You must be joking! No vacations for the full-time chauffeur/cook/maid!

Icon -- Trash CanWhere would you go to find a pair of scissors?


                          In my top left desk drawer -- it lives right between the stapler and the tape dispenser.

                          I know I have at least seven pairs around here, but I couldn't tell you exactly where.

                          Dude, your guess is as good as mine -- maybe in the refrigerator?

Icon -- Dust Pan SweepHow much of what's in your closet is worn regularly?


                          I'm meticulous about my wardrobe -- if I haven't put it on in the past year, it's outta here.

                          A lot of stuff I never touch -- doesn't fit, busted zipper, too seventies for my taste.

                          I never use the closet -- it's just easier to keep my clothes in piles around the bedroom.

Icon -- Trash CanHow do you feel at the end of the day?


                          Smugly self-satisfied -- I always get everything done that I mean to accomplish.

                          Annoyed -- I wasn't as productive as I would have liked. I'll try to catch-up tomorrow.

                          What a waste of a day -- will I ever feel in control of my life again?

Icon -- Dust Pan SweepWhat are you gonna do with that new can opener?


                          I will donate the old to make room for the new -- and it already has a designated home!

                          I'll leave it on the counter for the next week -- until I have time to clear out some space.

                          A month from now, I'll discover that I already had five of them hidden in a drawer.

Icon -- Trash CanHow does being in your house make you feel?


                          Happy to be home and comfortable in my surroundings.

                          Worn out -- I would love to make changes, but who has time?

                          Like moving.

You Earned A Score Of !
(which translates in quiz-language as 'Head Barely Above H2O')

Quiz -- Thumbs Down

You've known for a while that your home-management systems are out of control. You're surrounded by a distracting assortment of clutter. Most of your time is spent dealing with other folks' emergencies (rather than getting your own work done). Each new stack of mail adds to the enormous paper pile covering every available horizontal surface. You're stressed, you don't feel well, you rarely see friends or family. You have no free time to just take a break and your personal life sucks -- because (no matter what you do) you just can't seem to get your household shit together. You're sick and tired of just barely hanging on (by the skin of your teeth or the tip of your fingernails -- or whatever body part you prefer). You're certain there has to be more to life than this. Well guess what? You're right -- there is!

Unfortunately, you're in too deep to tackle it all by yourself -- the mess is way-past overwhelming, you don't know where to start, and you've no idea what sorts of changes would actually make an enduring difference in your life. You've tried getting organized before, but it hasn't stuck (so the last thing you want is to invest a lot of time/effort/money and fail again). What you really need is someone to help you out -- an expert who can guide you toward the right solutions (while leading you around the many obstacles blocking your path), either cheer you on or hold your feet to the fire (depending on the situation) when you feel like giving up, do the damn manual labor for you (if that's what it takes to clear ye olde decks), and help you see this thing through to the end. (Wow -- lucky I came along, isn't it??)

You Earned A Score Of !
(which translates in quiz-language as 'Needs Work')

You usually manage to keep things pretty well under control -- but every once in awhile, you're caught off guard by a clutter pile, a stack of mail, or an overflowing to-do list. You have to paddle hard to keep from sinking, which seriously (SERIOUSLY) stresses you out. You run non-stop, trying to catch up -- canceling fun stuff, pissing off your family, and apologizing to friends for falling off the face of the earth. You never fully lose sight of that light at the end of the tunnel (and are pretty sure it's not an oncoming train). But you wish you could find a more proactive way to manage incoming paper, external responsibilities, and your daily schedule. Well guess what? I've got one for you right here!

You're prepared to try and tackle this mess yourself. You're motivated, self-directed, more-than-willing to do the heavy lifting -- but you need a little expert guidance in figuring out what steps to take, which systems to implement, the best tools to use. You also recognize your limitations, and are committed to setting a few healthy boundaries around this whole "D-I-Y" effort. Your plan is to accomplish as much as possible within a set time-frame -- then if you can't reach the finish line, you'll hire a professional to help you tie up those last few organizational loose ends. (Wow -- lucky I came along, isn't it??)

You Earned A Score Of !
(which translates in quiz-language as 'Future Organizer In The Making')

Who says "anal retentive" is a bad thing? You're so organized, you put the "ohyeah" in O.C.D.!

You're just about as systematic as they come. Your office is a joy to behold -- friends, family, and neighbors alike know that they can count on you to get the job done, thanks to your killa time-paper-space-management skills. Best of all, you build in plenty of time for personal priorities (while still being twice as productive as most everyone else around you). Somewhere in the back of your mind, you've sorta kinda thought that you might like to help other folks clear their clutter for a living -- either as a full-on career change or a new addition to your current responsibilities. Well guess what? You can!

You see becoming a Professional Organizer as one of the most rewarding vocational choices you'll ever make -- not only are there limitless opportunities to serve clients directly, but you've got a million ideas for a whole series of life-changing products to help those outside your immediate local area. You know that impactpreneurship ain't easy, and it's gonna to take a lot of hard flippin' work. But you're excited about the idea of getting paid day-after-day to do something that feeds your soul. All you need now is a little guidance on the "starting a business" end of things. (Wow -- lucky I came along, isn't it??)