Sickbed

Sickbed Title

Sickbed

You lie there as you have for weeks,
Surrounded by a cloud of disease, thick like flies at a summer picnic,
Noxious and silent — maggots breeding in the potato salad, waiting for an unsuspecting bite.
The Lysol stink, the haze of medicinal smells,
Barely conceals the stench of your body — rotting from the inside out.
I choke back my own vomit,
And wonder how something so precious could become this repellent.
Adoration transformed, leaving only impatience and contempt behind.

Like a mythological beast that refuses to be slain,
A drowning swimmer who pulls rescuers down with him,
You won’t let go of an existence that has already scraped you off of its shoe.
Trapped in my own past and robbed of a future,
I watch from the doorway — certain this dull throbbing in my head will go on forever.
Inevitability pounding in my veins,
Dreaming of long walks and banal entertainment and dinners out with friends,
All with the ghost of your presence needling the back of my mind.

Paper-thin, insubstantial — yet dense and burdened with unfulfilled promise,
A transparent anvil around my neck.
I tear at my throat — gasping for air, grasping at freedom,
Guilt weighs me down, silent blame stealing both my breath and my will to fight.
Mea maxima culpa.

I sink below the surface, ashamed of my own weakness,
Unable to face the the truth, to accept your frailty,
To say, “I love you,” when you needed it most.
Knowing that I killed you a thousand times over, even after your death sentence was issued.
The sun shines darkness through your window,
I hear no light, I feel no sound, I see no pain.
Disconnect is my punishment, the umbilicus finally severed,
As I wait.

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Ramona Creel is an award-winning 15-year veteran organizer and member of the National Association Of Professional Organizers. As well as having birthed “The A-To-Z Of Getting Organized,” Ramona is also the author of “The Professional Organizer’s Bible: A Slightly Irreverent And Completely Unorthodox Guide For Turning Clutter Into A Career”—and the creator of more than 200 “quick-start” business tools and templates for use by productivity professionals. She writes seven different blogs, has worked with hundreds of clients, and has delivered scores of presentations on getting organized. Ramona resides on the roads of America as a full-time RVer—living and working in a 29-foot Airstream. Learn more at and RamonaCreel.com.

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