RamonaCreel.com

Before folks engage in any form of commerce with me, I expect lots o’ questions — about my policies, how I structure working relationships, average-anticipated-time-commitment, what one can reasonably expect to accomplish, program formats, options, pricing, delivery, returns/refunds, you name it.

Being the-world’s-most-annoyingly-anal-retentive-shopper myself, I get it.

It’s totally cool.

You’re Gonna Be Sorry You Ever Asked

The thing is, after a couple decades in business, my standard customer replies have started to feel a bit repetitive — more closely resembling a session of old-school-vinyl-skippage than a meaningful conversation

And oh-my-lord-can-I-just-tell-you-how I LOOOOOOOOVE responding to the same inquiries over and over again?

(Detected that note of sarcasm did ya? Can’t fool you!)

But then I get all tangled up in an overachievement-vs-efficiency conundrum — wanting to provide every teensy-tinsy-bit-of-detail-about-my-products/services-that-your-greasy-diseasey-little-heart-could-possibly-desire, while simultaneously striving to avoid broken-record-syndrome.

Yeah, good fucking luck with that! (ESPECIALLY when you’re living inside my head!)

So to simplify things a squidge for both of us, I’m preemptively providing dig-deep answers to some of my clients’ most commonly-articulated concerns — as well as those you-can’t-do-it-so-why-even-bother-trying excuses your brain might be using against you (to keep you from taking action and changing the cerebral status quo), and any other random shit that I imagine might be worrying you.

I’d greatly appreciate it if you would peruse this info FIRST before you ask a Clerks-style question that I’ve already addressed here. (I mean, if I took the damned time to lay everything out, the least you can do is read it!) If at that point you require more deets — gimme a holler and I will do my dead-level best.

Who The Hell Are YOU To Be Teaching ME About Authenticity?

Go here, here, here, here, here, and here — for my resume, bio, life-story, philosophy, and a bunch of other shit that’s prolly TMI.

I Don’t Know If I Trust Redheads — What Sort Of Guarantee Do You Offer?

Well let me first say that I don’t blame you — we’re a crafty bunch and you’ve gotta keep an eye on us.

So you want a guarantee, huh? How about “You’ll be freaking amazed — or get more-than-your-money back!” Yes that’s right, I offer a 120% guarantee on everything I sell on my site.

Look, I’m not here to sell you a shirt or a board game or piece of art that you hate — to stick you with a program or tool that you never use. BELIEVE me, I get no joy sitting back and counting fat stacks while you’re unhappy with me or my website!

But I’m also not here to let you sit on your ass and fail at achieving that fully-authentic life you claim to want so damn bad. So if you’re engaging with my “True” program at any level (which means downloadable products, online courses/memberships, calls with me) and you decide it’s not your style, I’m happy to refund your money — but I have two requirements for making that happen:

• do the fucking work first (if you’re committed to achieving authenticity in your life, this should be a no-brainer — use the tools, ask yourself the questions, complete the tasks, take the steps — show up for the classes/calls, turn in your assignments, and engage in a little god-forbid introspection — prove that you’ve made an effort and aren’t just half-assing things, then complaining “I can’t do it” or “it didn’t work for me” — it’s like with your kids and broccoli, you have to actually TRY it before you can tell me you don’t like it and be excused from the table)
• then have a free coaching call with me (I don’t let anyone out of my sight without an actual one-the-phone conversation first — this isn’t some desperate sales pitch, an attempt to talk you into staying when you’re dead-set on hitting the bricks — it’s a way for me to maybe help you sever a gordian-knot you haven’t been able to hack through on your own, so that when you DO leave you’ll be able to continue making progress in the right direction — it’s also a chance for you to provide me with some honest and valuable feedback about where my program fell short for you, so I can improve it for the next person — and most of all, it’s an opportunity for two people to genuinely connect as human beings so they don’t leave each other’s company with misunderstandings or bad feelings, something I think we ALL could use more of in EVERY aspect of our lives)

Bottom line? You blow me, I’ll blow you — just envision us in some completely-platonic-non-sexual-coaching-version of a soixante-neuf.

(On second thought, no don’t — damn those faulty reverse-double-entendres!)

I’mma take 100% responsibility for providing you with an authenticity journey that is filled-to-fucking-overflowing with value. In return, I need you to take 100% responsibility for moving your ass forward along that path. Keep in mind that this isn’t Wal-Mart or Amazon — I’m not a vendor selling you some shit at a store, I’m a personal growth partner. What we gots here is a reciprocal relationship, in it together, all the way to the end.

However, I also assume that the folks who shop with me are legit, and not a bunch of scammers who want something or nothing or are collecting up digital resources so they can go pirate them for profit on the dark side of the interwebz. So if you make a purchase, download a bunch of my shit, and then request a refund without doing the work (or I catch you engaging what is clearly a “skim-job,” giving random surface-level replies that show no actual effort in an attempt to just-barely meet my requirements), I reserve the muthaflippin’ right to deny your refund. My goal is to give everyone a chance to try out my methods risk-free — not to encourage skeevy behavior.

Do You Follow Some Sort Of Professional Code?

I’ll be honest with you — I ditched that whole “paying-a-crapton-of-money-to-belong-to-a-bunch-of-industry-associations-I-didn’t-really-care-about-plus-wasting-my-time-at-meetings-and-conferences-just-so-could-claim-an-accreditation-that-didn’t-actually-matter-to-me” thing a while back.

I found that my tribe benefited more if I focused said energies on my own personal growth (so I could more-effectively practice what I preach), connecting with a broad spectrum of thought leaders (so I’m always preaching from an ever-deepening-widening-and-otherwise-expanding pulpit), hands-on helping TrueJunkies get where they want to be in life (whatever their individual definition of “paradise” might be), and developing a robust collection of content (so as to educate/inspire the heathen masses).

Yeppers, I’m going straight to professional-development hell. I have gladly accepted my fate.

(And should you also choose to wantonly eschew credential-whoredom, I’ll save y’all a seat by the bar.)

That having been said, I ain’t lacking in ethics — I just choose (as with most things) to create my own code rather than follow somebody else’s. So picture me reciting this courtroom-style, my hand on a transcript from the RuPaul Teaches Self-Expression And Authenticity Masterclass — cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye-if-you-do-you’ll-make-me-cry-but-I’ll-still-never-tell-a-lie, I swear that I will:

• serve my mentorial clients with integrity, competence, objectivity, and a loving-yet-brutal-fucking honesty, the likes of which they have never before experienced — filled with the kind of “if-I-fudge-the-truth-I’m-doing-you-a-grave-disservice-and-I-care-more-than-you-could-know-about-your-growth-so-I’mma-tell-you-what-I-truly-see-happening-here” conversations we should all be having more often

• give folks a metaphorical buttload of value for every dollar they spend with me

• treat those with whom I work not in some artificially-distanced way that mainstream society has deemed “appropriate” for business relationships, but like cherished friends I’ve known a million years — showing them a genuinely-respectful-yet-entertainingly-snarky familiarity that lets them know we’re equals, we can be unashamedly ourselves around each other, and we’re part of the same family

• try really goshdurn hard to avoid conflicts of interest, but speak-the-hell-up when they’re unavoidable

• make sure every action I take with mah peeps (be they clients or colleagues or some other vocational configuration) is accompanied by an over-the-top level of generosity/attentiveness — everyone I encounter is deserving of consideration, and I never want any muthaflippin’ doubt in a single person’s mind that they’re being for-realz seen, heard, understood, and appreciated for exactly who they are

• welcome any-and-all into RamonaLand — so long as they follow our “don’t be a dick” guidelines

• hold myself 100% accountable for every mistake, misstep, misunderstanding, and miscommunication, any ball-drops, boner-pulls, pooch-screws, or fuck-ups that occur on my watch — no dodging, zero defensiveness, nada justification, negatory buck-passage, nicht under-bus-toss-ery around here

• say what I mean, mean what I say — choosing my words carefully and expressing myself deliberately

Clearly, I have a rather broad interpretation of that last one — but you get the gist.

Do You Have An Anti-Spam Policy?

Privacy bitches, that’s what it’s all about!

If you’ve ever posted on social media or performed a web search you’ve demonstrated that personal privacy is pretty well meaningless to you. However, I do actually give a shit about my visitors’ online rights (unlike a certain hypocritical d-bag whose last name rhymes with “Fuckerberg”) — so let me reassure you (I would pinky-swear or spit-shake if I could reach you through this computer screen) that I’m not sharing your info with other companies, marketing firms, the FBI, the KGB, Big Brother, or anyone else.

It’s fairly simple. If you don’t request notifications, I shan’t email you. If you do, we’re talking once every 7 days. (I’m a hyper-extroverted-people-person, so I love to stay in touch — but marketing-bombardment ain’t my style. So unless something super-cray-cray’s going on, you’ll get a single message summarizing the week’s posts, site additions, upcoming events, and any other RamonaLand happenings.)

Want more than that? Follow me on social media or sign up for a feed. Decide you’re sick of me? Unsubscribe and I’ll leave you the hell alone. (I too have a flaming white-hot hatred for spam — besides, pissing folks off through relentless electronic harassment is totally counterproductive to my plans for world domination!)

Some of my third-party apps do track anonymous browsing data (pages visited/viewed/abandoned) for analytic purposes — but not if you turn your freaking cookies off. (Don’t know how? There’s this amazing new-fangled contraption out there called “google” that will more-than-happily show you the ropes.) And I don’t control crap beyond my own site — so once you click through a link to the larger interwebz, you’re on your own. Capisce?

What Is Your Service Area?

Planet earth. (I’m actually not kidding.)

Why Do I Need A “Commitment Deposit” To Schedule With You?

Call it your first lesson in learning how to draw healthy boundaries!

If you’ve ever consumed my content, been trapped in line with me at a public restroom, or found yourself stuck on an elevator in my presence — you know that I can’t NOT freely share my expertise/opinions/weird-sociological-observations. With anybody. Everybody. Whether they like it or not. So I’m more than happy to give you a no-cost chunk of my talents (I call these “Desuckification Consults”) — but if I set aside time in my busy schedule, I want to make sure you’re ACTUALLY going to show up.

Let’s get real here for a sec. Have you ever bailed-without-giving-the-other-person-even-the-courtesy-of-a-call on a freebie consultation? Sure you have — hell, I’ve done it myself. It’s sooooo easy, because there are no consequences. But standing someone up becomes a fuckton harder once you’ve got a monetary investment at stake. Homo sapiens are, by nature, loss-averse creatures — and I’m fully in favor of a little financially-enforced common courtesy!

I want you to understand that my time is valuable — but even more importantly, I need for you to get (on a deep-at-the-core-of-your-being gut level) that yours is too. I need for you to internalize the idea that you have to hold other people accountable for honoring your boundaries — that’s one of the most fundamental skills ya gots to master, if you’re ever going to live “true.” I’m a practice-what-I-preach-er, and I’ve discovered that the best way to help my peeps teach others temporal respect is by demanding the same of them. So that’s what we’re doing here.

What happens once you successfully complete said “Desuckification Consult”? You’ll experience what might very well be the first braingasm-breakthrough of your life! (My clients will tell you — it hurts SO good!) Should you choose to hire me or purchase my products, I’ll apply ye olde deposit toward your bill. If you say “Heeeeeeellll naw, I can’t take any more of this!” — you get a refund. Easy-peasy-japanesey.

What If We Schedule An Appointment And I Have To Cancel?

Here’s how it works — pay your deposit and sign up for a time slot. You’ll be given call instructions, as well as a reschedule-or-cancel link. If you have to ditch, do it at least 24 hours before our agreed-upon time, and you’re golden. Dick around until the eleventh hour or no-show sans any communication at all — sacrifice your deposit (and learn a valuable lesson about personal responsibility).

Popped a tire? Your grandmother burst into flames? A plane hit your house? Of course I’ll cut you some slack. But I only accept ONE last-minute tragedy per client. (If daily dramas repeatedly keep you from meeting your obligations, we’re prolly not going to work well together, anyway.) On the flip-side, should I unexpectedly have to abort said mission minutes before blast-off — I’ll refund your deposit plus 20%, to apologize for the inconvenience.

Seriously, how can you lose??

How’s That Whole “Gratis Initial Session” Thing Work?

We get on the phone for half-an-hour-give-or-take (depending on the day’s loquacity factor). You share concerns, I’ll ask  annoying questions. Based on your responses, I’ll outline a potential starting point and plan of attack. Get ready to experience what might very well be the first coachingasm of your life!

Should you decide to hire me or purchase any of my products, I’ll apply said deposit toward your bill – if not, I’ll refund it. Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.

I Want To Post A Comment On A Page — Why Am I Being Asked To Register?

Because it’s been scientifically proven that anonymity encourages bad online behavior — while honest-about-who-you-are-without-hiding-behind-a-fake-avatar-so-you-can-flame-or-grief-or-otherwise-annoy-the-shit-out-of-folks promotes community.

And we’re about the latter of the two.

We have exactly one rule in the RamonaLand comments section — don’t to be a dick. (Which it turns out is technically a two-parter: #1 don’t be a dick, or #2 I’ll delete your sorry ass.) This ain’t not about censorship or protecting a bunch of special snowflakes from getting offended or needing everyone to agree — it’s about relearning the subtle art of respectful debate after a prolonged period of out-of-control assholery in the name of “telling it like it is.”

This particular piece of perfidiousness has (as of late) become a state-sanctioned excuse for mass-inconsideration, passive-aggressive hate-speech, and the self-righteous-cancel-culture shutting-down of other viewpoints.

Not on my watch, bitch!

The whole thing cracks me up, because these jackasses who hide behind a warped profession of candor don’t have the first fucking clue what radical honesty looks like. You know — the kind of deep, meaningful conversation between folks from ideologically-different backgrounds that happens when they’re attempting to god-forbid actually understand each other, and possibly even discover some common ground upon which they might both comfortably stand???

That — THAT is what I and my crew of TrueJunkies are all about!

Really telling it like it is means hearing what the other person is really saying — without first running it through your many “does-that-match-up-with-my-existing-beliefs-about-the-world?” filters, or attaching your own personal baggage and interpretations to their words. It also means allowing yourself to think and feel and be vulnerable — to share when something has pushed a button or tweaked a trigger, but to also examine why you even have that freaking button/trigger in the first place, and maybe (just maybe!) question its validity. It requires you to apologize when you’re wrong and holy-shit change your mind when some new bit of information broadens ye olde horizons. You must be willing to crack open that hard protective outer shell and scrutinize your own motivations FIRST, before questioning someone else’s. It takes a little flipping empathy and a disinclination toward always having to be right.

If you can’t manage that, you don’t belong here.

TrueJunkies choose to deal exclusively in constructive, supportive, caring discussion — preferably with a healthy sprinkling of expletives and a snarky no-nonsense attitude, thrown in for good measure. We prove on a daily basis that it’s entirely possible to question something with which you disagree while remaining kind — and we firmly believe that there’s zero nobility or integrity in lashing out at total strangers without understanding thing-one about their situation. That’s the sort of behavior we expect from spoiled toddlers — not adults who are focused on authenticity, growth, and community.

In that regard, we are a 100% muthafuckin-child-free zone!

Bottom line — my sandbox, my rules. I don’t care what you’ve grown accustomed to doing on Twitter or Facebook — we neither encourage nor tolerate a culture of angry trolls in this universe. You’re either here in the spirit of creating a space where folks can be and express themselves fully without fear of attack, or you’re not here.

Don’t like it? Go take ya narcissistic, venomous shit elsewhere. (And can I get an amen from the chorus?)

I’m In — How The Hell Do We Get Started?

So you’re ready for a change, and you think I might be the one to help you make it? Wow — you’re either really brave or a big-time masochist! (Joke.) I’m happy to offer some fresh insight — goodonya for taking that first step down the occasionally-rocky-yet-perennially-rewarding path toward a new life!

Just fill out my contact form letting me know where you need some help. We’ll talk on the phone, I’ll explain how I work and answer all your questions, we’ll make sure we’re a good match — and then together, you and I are going to kick the CRAP out of your life! (In a good way!)

Yay you — done talking about change, and ready to finally actually do something about it!

Would You Be Interested In Bartering?

There’s a big difference between suggesting-a-barter-arrangement-because-you’re-looking-for-a-business-handout, and pitching-a-swapportunity-because-your-services-are-a-good-match-and-the-relationship-would-be-mutually-advantageous-forboth-parties. You know damned-good-and-well which is happening before you ever open that mouth — please don’t even be coming at me with the first scenario.

I’m a big fan of going tradesies, but only if you’re offering something I really need. I don’t immediately agree to every swip-swap that comes my way, just for the sake of a charitable donation. (I already give away literal-fucktons of content and advice for free — so I feel pretty square-with-the-lord that I’m doing my civic duty out there in the world.) If you think you’ve got an offer I can’t refuse, go for it. But if you’re proposing something I wasn’t planning to buy or do for myself in the first place, the answer is prolly “no.”

How Do I Report A Problem With My Order

Just go to the TrueStore customer dashboard, find your order, click the “hey I gots me a frickin’ problem with this!” button, and follow da prompts. (And be sure to check the return window for each item, as the rules are a little bit different for each category of goods — preferably before you buy, so you know you’re spending your hard-earned cash in a confusion-free zone.)

If it’s a physical thing, I’ll email you a return shipping label — then either send a replacement or shoot a 120% refund over to your original payment method once I get said package back (your choice).

If it’s a digital product or online experience, I can either offer you 120% credit toward something else on my site or the same sort of 120% refund.

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