RamonaCreel.com

Here’s the problem with most meditations — they’re just too frigging sincere. I personally can only take just so much soothing murmur and hippie music, before the smell of patchouli pouring out of my iPod speakers becomes overwhelming. And when they ask me to open my heart chakra, my mind can’t help but see a picture of a flayed-open torso, bleeding glowing red light out of a gaping wound. (I’m fucked up — I admit it.) Trying to be a suitably still-and-quiet empty vessel with that floating around in my head? It’s distracting.

Plus, so many meditations are too esoteric for my tastes. I’m the kind of gal who finds concrete steps toward solving a problem FAR more soul-southing than new-age platitudes. Sure you can just “let it go” (faux-feminist-disney-princess-style, if you prefer) — but even better is to have practical, actionable counter-measures in place that help you combat that specific frustration the next time it rears its ugly head. Then you can let it the fuck go.

My goal with these recordings is for you to walk away not just relaxed and centered and filled with light — but also armed with a few more life skills than you had before. These meditations will make it easier for you to live more authentically, hold yourself accountable to achieving your dreams, and stop tolerating a life that doesn’t quite match up with your ideal. And they do so by addressing common challenges we all experience in pretty much every area of life (dealing with an annoying boss, a cluttered home, endless interruptions, entrepreneurial stress, creative blahs, those times when your kids are driving you absolutely batshit crazy – finding the right career path, figuring out ways to feel healthier, getting shit done, escaping debt, discovering your passion, shutting up that neg-head little bastard in the back of your head who’s always telling you you’re not good enough).

Look, I’m all about becoming present and setting intention and connecting with your inner self. But I also believe that a spoonful of laughter (mixed with just a pinch of profanity) makes achieving a sense of perspective much easier — especially when you’re sitting in one position trying your damnedest to not think about the pain in your back or that bill you need to pay or the afternoon client meeting you’re gonna hafta prepare for, as soon as this flipping meditation is done. If it helps your mind stay focused while getting grounded (rather than wandering off like an alzheimers patient at a care facility with really crappy door locks) — how can “hilarious-and-irreverent-yet-super-useful” be a bad thing?

Don’t worry. There will still be plenty of deep breathing, soothing murmur, and space-ambient-vangelis-style hippie music. Each recording includes all the good stuff you’ve come to expect from a meditation — mantras and visualizations and heaps of mind/body awareness. But you’ll also get a healthy dose of humorous snark to go with ye olde introspection. (Adult diapers are recommended if you have a weak bladder.)

If you already have a spiritual practice, these meditations are a great supplement to your existing routine (for those days when you need to not take things so seriously, or circumstances demand a more profanely-cathartic release to go with your centering). If you’ve never been able to get on board with chanting “ohm,” you’re in for a treat. (Serenity now, dammit!)

$4.97 single meditation — $34.79 for a set of 10 (30% off) — $278.20 for 10 sets (40% off) — $497 for all (50% off)

$297 per set of 10 — lifetime unlimited public performance and client use (no distribution/resale) license

COMING SOON!